People who make me feel like crap or worse off then when I encountered them consistently are written off and out of my life

Doesn’t matter if its family, nobody is entitled to your attention and suffering and it does nobody any real good for you to succumb to the inevitable dysfunction it creates in your life and relationships and also material conditions.

  • Boozilla@lemmy.worldEnglish
    60·
    3 months ago

    Work on diagnosing and fixing the problem first, worry about appointing blame later (if at all).

    • underwire212@lemm.ee
      24·
      3 months ago

      There exists a problem. Problem requires a solution. Solution requires diagnosing problem and using reasoning to solve craft solution.

      Assigning blame (root cause analysis) can wait. First, fix problem. Then analyze how/why problem happened and implement corrective and preventative actions.

      A company I used to work for actually had a policy of never to assign root cause as “Human error”. Individuals actually never got blamed. Instead, it was perhaps that there wasn’t enough training, or certain procedures were lacking which could’ve prevented the problem, etc.

      One time someone had accidentally broke an $8 million dollar piece of equipment. They were never fired, or reprimanded at all. Instead, the investigation assigned root cause to lack of adequate safety procedures, or something like that. Therefore actions are taken to help prevent recurrence instead of just saying “They did it! Fire them!!”

      They were a great company to work for because of this.

    • daddy32@lemmy.world
      5·
      3 months ago

      This one is very important. This is one of those helpful rules I’ve actually learned in business environment first before I started applying it in personal life.

    • underwire212@lemm.ee
      29·
      3 months ago

      Also, if you’re not fucking up occasionally, then you’re probably not pushing yourself hard enough

      • cheese_greater@lemmy.worldOP
        5·
        3 months ago

        I find I easily forgive myself if I immediately recognize the fuckup and have a plan started or in the works to prevent it happening again.

        Kind of a “fool me once: shame on this. fool me twice: shame on me” alto its infinitey recursive so I would simply start back at 1

        If I learn a lesson from it, its money in the experience bank and I trust myself to make it right and mitigate it as best as is possible

        It helps with inverse thinking cuz now you know one of the paths or constituents of failure in whatever the endeavor and you have the opportunity to get closer to success next time

  • Rottcodd@lemmy.world
    39·
    3 months ago

    I have no more right to interfere in someone else’s life than they have to interfere in mine.

    Avoid people who don’t share that view.

  • deegeese@sopuli.xyz
    302·
    3 months ago

    “First is best”

    To avoid overthinking decisions that don’t really matter, the first acceptable choice is the correct one.

    Save your indecision for stuff that matters.

  • Repple (she/her)@lemmy.world
    24·
    3 months ago

    Make it work, then make it work right.

    And it’s companion for understanding how things came to be- every complex working system invariably developed from a simple working system

    Have strong opinions that are weakly held.

    Don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of “good”

    Now that I think about it, my principles like my life may be all about engineering…

    • cheese_greater@lemmy.worldOP
      9·
      3 months ago

      MVP is a good tool I was just mentioning. Picked it up unknowingly from coding, still working on generalizing it to my life but its working and rightly for me

      • Repple (she/her)@lemmy.world
        15·
        3 months ago

        To me, having a strong opinion means I have thought about the problem space enough to understand what I believe are the important aspects and what optimizes them. Remembering to hold them weakly in the light of previously unconsidered or under appreciated arguments prevents me from becoming overly rigid.

    • Susaga@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      3·
      2 months ago

      Don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of “good”.

      When I make maps for ttrpgs, I’ve started using a tool that is, let’s be honest, kinda crap. The maps I can make using it can only ever be “good enough.” This is good, because it means I don’t spent hours trying to make it perfect, and instead just finish prepping other things.

    • theherk@lemmy.world
      11·
      3 months ago

      Probably my favorite realization in life was that I might be wrong. Always, no matter how confident, we are all wrong sometimes. Even about the most basic facts, we could be wrong because brains are weird. So, I just try and minimize that while recognizing it.

    • JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world
      6·
      3 months ago

      And learn how to defend when you’re not. Some assholes use it as an excuse to divert blame to the guy who tends to admit fault, even if it’s not actually their fault.

  • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    22·
    3 months ago

    Don’t do anything you’re going to have to lie about. If you do, don’t lie about it. If you do, make it right as soon as possible.

    This is something I learned from experience. I have plenty of problems in my life but a heavy conscience isn’t one of them.

  • Uncle_Abbie@lemmy.today
    20·
    2 months ago

    I printed this quote by Sister Chan Khong and carry it in my wallet:

    If we just worry about the big picture, we are powerless. So my secret is to start right away doing whatever little work I can do. I try to give joy to one person in the morning, and remove the suffering of one person in the afternoon. If you and your friends do not despise the small work, a million people will remove a lot of suffering.

    So I try to spread a little joy and remove a little sadness.

  • untorquer@lemmy.world
    19·
    2 months ago

    If you don’t know what you want, make a choice instead of just waiting. If it’s not the right one, change your mind. It’s always ok to change your mind. Sitting in stasis means the ice cream shop closes before you ordered and now you don’t get any.

    • GiddyGap@lemm.ee
      7·
      2 months ago

      Not taking risk is one of the main reasons most people never get to truly experience life before it’s over. However, there are situations where taking risk can actually destroy your life, especially when it involves physical danger. Proceed with caution.

      • untorquer@lemmy.world
        3·
        2 months ago

        Fair. This one usually pertains to lower risk decisions tbh. Stuff like what to have for dinner or how to spend the day off. And specifically when you otherwise wouldn’t have a preference. But quite often doing nothing is the greater risk in high stakes situations too. In any case, better to have your ice cream even if it’s not your favorite flavor, than none at all. That is, as long as you’re actually going to eat it.

  • tissek@sopuli.xyz
    15·
    3 months ago

    Don’t have your mouth write checks your ass can’t cover

    Or

    Under promise while over deliver

  • CerealKiller01@lemmy.world
    161·
    2 months ago

    I have two main moral guidelines by which I try to live:

    A. Try to leave everything better than it was before, or at least avoid making it worse. It doesn’t have to be by much, but if every person makes things just one tiny bit better, the culminating effect will be great. Do your part.

    B. The difference between a moral person and an immoral one usually doesn’t lie in the ability/inability to know right from wrong, rather in the ability to rationalize their immoral actions. Therefore:

    • Doing bad things once in a while does not make you a bad person, it makes you human.
    • Avoiding doing bad things 100% of the time will make you a bad person, as you’ll inevitably fail and will be forced to rationalize your actions, making it easier to do more bad things.
    • What makes you a good person is the ability to know when you’re acting wrong.

    From there, there are a few rules that help me along the way:

    1. Everyone are wrong. Assume you’re wrong about some important things/core beliefs, you’ve just yet to discover which ones. Don’t hesitate to act according to what you think is right, but understand you’re probably doing something wrong somewhere. Look for signs that show that’s the case.

    2. Making mistakes is fine and inevitable. Reflect on your mistakes and try not to make the same mistake twice.

    3. Use everything as an opportunity to learn. The best way to learn is from other people’s mistakes - it provides a visceral lesson without you having to pay the price.

    4. People’s opinions of you are their business, not yours. Though you should choose to use them to improve yourself when applicable.

    5. Admitting being wrong or admitting a mistake will not only improve things, but is a sign of strength. Not doing so is a sign of weakness. This is true both for yourself and for other people.

    6. Give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t be quick to judge them. Wait until you have enough data and then come to conclusions.

    7. No rule is correct in all situations.

    8. External rules (and laws) exist for a reason. If you’re going to break one of them, first understand why it’s there in the first place and why it should be ignored. Do not assume you know better than the people who came up with it.

    9. Blanket statements can be correct or incorrect for the most part, but they can’t be used to solely justify an action or an opinion.