I do not immediately judge those who are unlike me, but I am a part of the childfree crowd (and to an enormous extent promote adoption over childbirth, which is in no way atypical among childfree people), and the topic of being childfree showed up in the most unexpected conversation today.
So… I’m not going to go into specifics since many of them are already overblown topics, but I’ll start off by summarizing and saying a lot of people hold a “neutral people are as guilty as the wrongdoers” viewpoint. A kind of Edmund Burke or Anakin Skywalker way of thinking that has been used when it comes to neutrality in promoting world leaders, not helping human lives, etc. I saw two people debate about this, and one of them brought up the question “how do you feel about people who don’t adopt?”
“I don’t judge them, it’s not even that common. Why do you ask?”
“Visualize a bunch of children. Some are on the streets and some are in foster care centers. They suffer and suffer, and they look out onto the streets to see parents who willingly chose to go through the pain of childbirth to use their bodies to spend and convert a bunch of inanimate atoms into an entity that will be using more of our air and needs to eat [rather than going the painless route of adopting a child that is already in existence and needs a home]. Then they look at other people who don’t want to give birth and have birth children but still look in indifference at all the suffering parentless children. Around half of adults on Earth are currently childless, and yet around a fifth of children are in broken homes or are parentless. It is the closest thing to willfully being evil that the majority of humans come to. I’m sure most of the people obsessing over insurance for example are going to opt for no children or for birth children.”
That last part resonated with me. I’m testing this out because I’m interested in this as a mental exercise. What’s your view on people who don’t adopt, including yourself if you can justify it?
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Adoption is a whole process, you don’t “accidentally” adopt someone the way you can accidentally get pregnant. It takes a lot of effort and more importantly, MONEY to adopt.
So, no, I don’t fault anyone who chooses to avoid that process.
But you’re missing a few key pieces here… it’s not simply natural birth vs. adoption.
Natural Birth
Foster Care
Step Parenting
AdoptionI have no biological children, but I chose to be a step parent. Kid was not in a good state, getting his mom and him away from crazy-ass grandfather let them both THRIVE.
I’ve always held the view that it is reckless if people do that accidentally.
I mind my own damn business. That’s my view.
Same.
“Broken homes or parentless” is a bonkers grouping. A broken home means a parent is there. Parentless can mean anything from what is clearly intended to be implied to “living with loving next of kin”
What the actual fuck. I am kind of unsure if this is a ragebait but I will take it nonetheless.
You can judge people for thousands of ways in which they are egotistic or not charitable. Not adopting would come just about last. I hope the person you talked to donates every cent above the bare minimum they need to survive, does not drive a car, has adopted at least 10 children and works for a charity.
Otherwise they have absolutely no right to judge people for not going through the absolutely awful adoption process and sacrificing a major part of their life for kids that potentially require much more attention and patience than most.
Most people arent even emotionally ready to raise their own children and would absolutely fail with adopted children.
Not to mention blood relation is a very special bond and you cant judge anyone for seeking that.What’s your view on people who don’t adopt, including yourself if you can justify it?
My view is neutral to positive, because I would be a horrible parent who would be in misery if I were to raise a kid in the capacity of a parent.
We’ve all met people of whom we have rightfully thought, “That person should never have been a parent.” I’m another one of the many. I can barely get myself to do my own chores as someone living alone; what makes you think I’d be competent at healthily raising an entire other human being?
I’m surprised that this one person influenced you that much. It should be common sense that the only people who should be parents (by adoption or otherwise) are those with both a burning desire to be parents and a healthy understanding of autonomy.
I can’t afford to raise a child and I’m not mentally stable enough to do so. I’m hardly in a place to judge any other childless/childfree people who don’t adopt.
Though when it comes to people who are shelling out thousands of dollars on IVF because they want their precious little Myckayla or Reighlyeigh or whatever to look exactly like them, I do judge.
That’s another thing. Parents often think “can I do this” and almost never “does the child need this”. Most people who are ill-suited to parent would still be better for many children than the situations they’re already in.
The person promoting adoption is presuming a right to impose his/her morality on others, being emotionally manipulative, and assuming human children have an inherent superiority over, say, an litter of kittens or puppies starving at the side of the road. Nah.
Morality is an individual choice. If you perform an act because someone else demands it, or because ‘it’s what’s done’, or because you want to be judged worthy, as Yeshua ben Yusuf said, you get your reward in the approval. If you do it because you believe it is the right thing to do, regardless of praise or opprobrium, that is a moral act. My morality says a life is a life and all lives are of equal value, because each gets only one, and it is the most precious thing in the universe to the one who lives it, whether tardigrade, garden slug, disabled pigeon or human child. Based on that and other principles I have evolved over a life, I have not had biological children, nor have I adopted a human child, quite deliberately. Perhaps, in his/her eyes, I am evil. Tant pis: I don’t answer to any conscience but my own.
