Wasn’t sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.
It’s been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.
I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn’t aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn’t entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she’d ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.
I support her. If that’s how she feels then that’s how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I’m not angry with her, and we’re not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that’s life sometimes. It isn’t anyone’s fault.
That said I’m glad I won’t be doing anything tomorrow. I’m just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that’s how it’s going.
Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I’ve read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn’t expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don’t really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.
Well, good thing he’s a better and more mature person than you
self-respect is immature?
Being a completely inconsiderate cunt is not self-respect.
It’s understandable to be unhappy/frustrated at the situation, but completely vilifying her is indeed immature. Shit happens, people change. It’s not like she planned all this.
it is actually not. she is not his wife, it is not his business.
True. I meant that it would be ok for OP to be unhappy/frustrated, not this commenter.
Being angry with people for hurting you and lying to you is vilifying them? Sorry, are you suppose to what, be happy they did it?
Shit does happen. That doesn’t mean people are blameless for their actions. When a DUI driver kills or hurts someone, do you think they planned it? Of course not. But we still hold them accountable for the harm they caused, and the victims of their actions should be angry.
OP’s wife knew she was struggle with her identity, and went into this marriage full bore. She knew what she was doing. Maybe OP is partially at fault for accepting that into his life, as well, but that assumes she was totally honest with him from the start, which she may not have been. As he says ‘not the full extent’, as in she downplayed or mislead him.
Then she further piles it on, as if this relationship was her ‘last chance’ to be straight. I wonder how OP would have felt if she told him that before they got married? By his account, her intent was to be deceptive and dishonest about her sexuality, perhaps to them both.
no, “me, me, me” is immature. that is literally toddler’s level of development.
his wife’s actions are entirely ‘me me me’.
at what point did she ever respectful consider his feelings when she agreed to date him as bisexual? and then marry him? she didn’t. she only considered hers.
go back to your cave.
right, you’re the mature one, slinging random insults on the internet at strangers because they said words that made you uncomfortable. or they articulate a POV you haven’t considered that challenges your sentimentality or sexist assumptions.
the height of emotional maturity, that.
you didn’t make me uncomfortable, i just think you are immature clown. you are the one made uncomfortable and having meltdown because of someone else’s wife who is definitely none of your business.
dude, you’re the one having the meltdown and slinging insults. i’m sorry my expression of sympathy upset you so much, but maybe you should work on yourself and your inability to tolerate other people’s anger at abusive behaviours.
nice cognitive dissonance you have there