Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth jokingly said any surge in takeout deliveries to the Pentagon — a phenomenon that has accurately predicted the start of major geopolitical events — could be him ordering pizza “just to throw everybody off.”
Asked about the “Pentagon Pizza Report,” an account on X that tracks activity at local pizza joints near the U.S. military hub, Hegseth said he was aware of the account.
“I’ve thought of just ordering lots of pizza on random nights just to throw everybody off,” he said Sunday on Fox News. “Some Friday night when you see a bunch of Dominos orders, it might just be me on an app, throwing the whole system off so we keep everybody off balance. We look at every indicator.”
Someone tell him about th gay bar index so he starts going there randomly too
it’s not gay if you don’t look into each other’s eyes…
Pete Kegsbreath
Dude no… dont send republicans to ruin the vibe.
Tbf, they’re not sending anyone to where they haven’t been before. 🤷♂️
doubt
The Grindr server crashed on two separate Republican conventions and I’ve been seeing closeted republican men on Craigslist trolling for cock since the beginning of time. Do you need more evidence?
Do you think the same people have anonymous hook ups are publicly attending gay bars?
Do you think the same people have anonymous hook ups are publicly attending gay bars?
Tell me you’ve never been to a bar without telling me.
Yes, and they will let you know. “I’m a Republican and I’m gay curious”.
All I hear is that the pizza index works, he is too fucking dumb to do anything about it, and is clearly rattled about it. If he was serious he would have kept his mouth shut, which he can’t, and it’s all bullshit.
call me optimistic but i think he’s just having a laugh
He’s too stupid and dangerous to be given that benefit of the doubt.
when we stupidize our enemies, we lose sight of how to fight them
“and dangerous”.
If you’re locked in a room with a monkey with a machete - you may be smarter than the monkey, but you’re not ignoring it.
my point is not to ignore the machete, but to not assume the monkey
Are you having a laugh? Is he having a laugh???
(Ricky Gervais)
Your tax dollars at work.
Do you think taxation is theft?
no, but misuse, yes.
¿ how does that comment imply taxation is theft ?
Only if it’s used for pizza parties.
It’s not to buy pizza on a lark.
everyone on foodstamps buying pizza on a lark with them (including me)
You’re joking about your own ineptitudes? Bold strategy
“Thought about” and “might just” are two phrases middle aged white guys use when we want to talk big and then never follow through. I’d be shocked if he puts in one “fake” order, and highly doubt he’ll be able to be consistent enough to throw off the tracker.
Right. He’s too fucking dumb to pull off even random pizza orders. In any case, everyone knows that to really throw people off the scent you tell them about your plans, right? What a fucking muppet.
Or maybe they’ll do one fake order the day before the real one and keep doing it like that, and the half-assing just means the pizza index predicts it one day earlier.
So did he Just admit that war with Iran is imminent?
The real order will look like the Pentagon is throwing a kegger
That’s just an average day for the alcoholic in charge.
Don’t blame me for this. I haven’t been contacted at all. I may be The Alcoholic but I’m not in charge and I don’t appreciate your accusations. Btw I accidentally fucked your dog. My apologies.
That’s why he invited that reporter to his illegal Signal chat, just to throw everyone off
A real military mobilization is about as easy to conceal as a sunrise. And you’re not going to fool anyone by ordering a few extra pizzas.
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They have like an extra 150 billion last year they are spending as we speak, with no guidelines on it, so they have plenty. This year they want to give them 1.5 trillion even, just incredible fiscal restraint form the responsible party of fiscal discipline!
What a joke, extracting money from the federal government is like the main reason for being of almost all of these lawmakers. Get in, sell out, extract all you can, accrue favors and bribes and what have you, get out. Then when out if they sell out well they can lobby, or run an institute, or any number of other corrupt positions that are part of paying off lawmakers to pay off monied interests.
To be fair probably not a bad op sec idea. I’m sure if they made it a formal security idea, they would get funding for it. As long as the pizza doesn’t go to waste.
“No raises this year, gentlemen. And ladies. But hey, PIZZA PARTY!!”
Okay, fuck, he got me, that’s really funny. Good job. Now please submit to The Hague, confess everything, and spend the rest of your life in prison.
A decade ago I was like, “FOX hosts are vile, disgusting, fucking goblins, but at least they’re not in government”.
I refuse to accept this is the reality I exist in.
You know he doesn’t tip, so they’re not delivering twice.
And what is he going to do with all of those “diversion” pizzas?
Seems like that could be a good way to feed the hungry in DC: order a large and semirandom number of pizzas to the Pentagon every night, then distribute them to homeless shelters; on nights when you’re planning or executing ops, just add to the order enough for your operation and pull them off of the pile before you redirect the rest to the shelters.
But the party of “lol your poor git gud” wouldn’t dream of such a thing. More likely they’ll toss them in the dumpster.
There was a tmnt toy back in the day that had a pizza cannon (I think it was the turtle van). I think tech might have caught up to that point by now to do it in real life.
Americans shouldn’t starve in such a wealthy nation, but there’s just not enough money here. Do not. Touch. The
defensewar budget. Such a shame, homeless veterans and all thatLoved the joke, and it gives me an idea that might actually make this work: rather than sending it to a random homeless shelter every day, send it to a veteran’s shelter.
That would do nothing to block the alleged information leak. You’d simply count the number of pizzas reaching homeless shelters instead, and if there’s a lower than normal amount, you know we’re gonna invade Iran. I mean, know it even harder.
It’s not to track via homeless shelters, the joke is that he’s willing to waste food as Americans face food concerns.
I know. And the joke is that it wouldn’t work for other reasons.
If you pull some random amount off the stack every day and store it to pass along on the next day, and build up a rolling reserve before pulling from that reserve for invasion day, you could hide that tell pretty effectively.
This is precisely how it should be done and how it would never be done because of their abject incompetence, the absurdity of the whole idea aside. :)
Give us your credit card number Pete and we’ll help you order those pizzas.
I’m always surprised the pizza index works. There are over 20 restaurants inside the Pentagon, including a pizza place. It should be easy to make everyone order from those when something is happening
