• PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    58
    arrow-down
    3
    ·
    28 days ago

    I do it for two reasons: partly because it’s fuck all business to anyone else (within reason) what the status of my relationship is.

    Mainly though, because it generally messes with folk because they don’t understand what it means, and feel compelled to ask silly questions about it.

    • otp@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      15
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      28 days ago

      Mainly though, because it generally messes with folk because they don’t understand what it means, and feel compelled to ask silly questions about it.

      Yeah, this is my favourite part of it.

  • Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    43
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    28 days ago

    Mine and I are getting married this week and we were both excited to see “spouse” as an option on the documents.

    We are now spouse and spouse.

  • Chaotic Entropy@feddit.uk
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    33
    ·
    27 days ago

    I’m a millennial and I’ve always referred to my partner as such. Boyfriend and girlfriend always seemed so weirdly juvenile, and it’s interesting to leave things ambiguous for people who are immediately expecting to categorise you.

    • shastaxc@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      27 days ago

      Same. It’s also just a better generic term. You can say “all my partners” instead of “my boyfriend, girlfriend, and wife”. So much easier and still accurate.

  • janNatan@lemmy.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    33
    ·
    edit-2
    28 days ago

    Nobody asked, but as a gay man I exclusively refer to my husband as “my husband.” I never liked the term “partner.” We didn’t start a business together, and we’re not cops. “Life partner” bothers me less, but it still seems stilted

    • littlewonder@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      25
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      28 days ago

      n+1 here, but I’m a bi woman married to a straight man and I’ve started using partner more recently because there’s a lot of baggage in the history of power dynamics associated with the titles of husband and wife.

      I also hope it makes people think for a minute if they need to ask me clarifying questions about my marriage status or sexuality/how the person I’m married to identifies.

      At the same time, I totally understand the impact of not using generic words when it comes to gay marriage, where there was such a long fight to be recognized as husband and husband. So cheers to you and your husband!

      • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        27 days ago

        Thank you, you’ve summed up a good clash of feelings around these terms with great economy.

        When I (male) use the term wife to describe my relationship, I don’t want to contribute to this feeling that I’m pulling for the default in an exclusionary kind of way. Like contributing to this cultured of presumed heteronormativity.

        Better in my case to leave a little unsaid, so as to make room for other kinds of relationships.

    • RBWells@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      12
      ·
      28 days ago

      I miss when my gay friends all called their partners “lovers”.

      As in literally if they were introducing their boyfriend, it was never “this is my boyfriend Chris” it was “this is Chris, my lover.”

      No idea if it was just a local thing but it was just so, well, lovely.

      • janNatan@lemmy.ml
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        6
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        28 days ago

        Yes, my boyfriend! It seems so odd when I see straight people use the term partner. Well, as far as I’m concerned, they can have it.

        • WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          12
          ·
          28 days ago

          As a man who has used the term partner in a heterosexual relationship, sometimes it is nice to have a term that implies a bigger commitment than “girlfriend” when you have no intention of marriage. That was definitely how I used it—to convey that this woman doesn’t have a ring, but I give her maximum authority when it comes to my affairs.

          • janNatan@lemmy.ml
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            6
            ·
            28 days ago

            Can’t relate. I grew up thinking marriage would always be illegal for me. When I had the opportunity, I took it.

            • WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              10
              ·
              28 days ago

              I’m glad you had that chance. Marriage is something I never particularly wanted, but I was brought around to the idea by a different lady. Now we are in counseling and things are on the rocks…I think I may still not believe in marriage, but I respect everyone’s right to choose for themselves.

              • Eldbogi@sopuli.xyz
                link
                fedilink
                arrow-up
                2
                ·
                27 days ago

                Hey man.

                I hope that whatever happens with you and your wife, that you’ll be happy and have a bright and good future.

                • WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com
                  link
                  fedilink
                  arrow-up
                  2
                  ·
                  27 days ago

                  Thanks, I appreciate that. It’s a weird thing when two intelligent people with good intentions suddenly experience a breakdown in communication, but I’m hoping that is what the counseling can help with.

    • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      27 days ago

      My partner said the exact same thing. I’ve always preferred “partner” - it just sounds nicer, like more respectful, egalitarian. We’re mixed gender so it’s wife/husband, which just sounds so old-fashioned

    • curiousaur@reddthat.com
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      3
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      28 days ago

      It’s cool to be proud you’re gay. Being proud your straight feels like all lives matter energy.

  • Mac@mander.xyz
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    31
    ·
    28 days ago

    What else are you supposed to say after “Howdy”?
    There are no other legitimate options.

  • njm1314@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    31
    ·
    28 days ago

    I mean I get it, there’s an age at which referring to someone as your boyfriend or girlfriend feels a little lame.

  • Hegar@fedia.io
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    22
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    28 days ago

    My parents have always referred to each other as their partner, so that’s what I’ve always done. It’s just normal.

    Since moving to the US people get so weird about it. I had a boss’s boss ask me why I call my wife my partner in a skip-level. I was so confused I just stared at her and said “What?” It was like being ask why I think oranges are citrus fruit.

  • RotatingParts@lemmy.ml
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    17
    ·
    28 days ago

    I’m an old guy. Since we (my "partner and I) are not married but have lived together for years (no common law here,) husband/wife doesn’t apply. I don’t know any other word to use other than partner, but it is still difficult for me to naturally say. Not sure why. Funnier (at our age) would be boyfriend and girlfriend. Uh … no.

    • Zikeji
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      9
      ·
      28 days ago

      A family friend in a similar spot just referred to each other as “life partners”. Any others it was just “partner” or “significant other”.

  • fitgse@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    13
    ·
    28 days ago

    My spouse and I just use SO (esso) for significant other. I like it more than partner as it is explicitly a romantic or at least very important relationship.

  • YaksDC@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    11
    ·
    28 days ago

    This is super common in most other English speaking countries and has been for years. Well before the culture wars.

  • SirEDCaLot@lemmy.today
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    10
    ·
    27 days ago

    I agree with this a lot. Boyfriend or girlfriend is the person you are romantically attached to. Partner is a MUCH stronger word, it implies teamwork and shared purpose; the understanding that you have each other’s backs.

    There are also plenty of people who are married for whom the word partner does not apply. It’s sad.

    I think a lot of people reject the title ‘partner’ because for a very long time before gay marriage was a thing, there was only ‘civil partnerships’ or ‘civil unions’ and thus ‘partner’ was the only accurate term, ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ couldn’t apply as they weren’t legally married. So they see ‘partner’ as a sort of ‘almost as good’ runner up.

    • mipadaitu@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      28 days ago

      Back in the day it did sound weird. Partner was usually a business relationship, not a romantic one, and it was almost exclusively used by the LGBT crowd.

      More gender neutral terms are good, but they’re still going to sound odd to folks who spent 40+ years hearing the terms used in a different way. That’s just how progress goes, older folks eventually will either get used to it, or be the weird relative ignored at holidays.